“Momnipotent”

The Not-So-Perfect Woman’s Guide to Catholic Motherhood by Danielle Bean

I started reading this book last night. I have to thank my Aunt Veronica for giving it to me when I was pregnant with the twins. I never cracked it open. During my firestorm to organize as much as possible yesterday (which, by the way, I am paying for it today), I came across this book again. Something prompted me to open it last night and start reading. Can we just acknowledge that when God’s timing is perfect, it’s so perfect?

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I’m not going to lie, my spirit has been wrecked these last few weeks. I don’t mean I’ve had doubts in my beliefs (although that’s totally fine if I have) but I mean, just life has been hard. Last week’s news ignited some serious anxiety issues that I have struggled with for a good chunk of my life. You know when you find something for YOU or plan something for YOU and look forward to that – it’s an amazing feeling. Now take it away – totally sucks. Anyway, I won’t get into it all again – you can check out my previous post if you need a refresher or didn’t catch it last week.

But I’m struggling and I’m overwhelmed. Life has overwhelmed me lately. In ONE week from tomorrow, my due date is THREE MONTHS away and I couldn’t feel more UNREADY. (Is that a word?)

Stress 1: I feel like all the junk has to go. I know it’s not COMPLETELY necessary or even reasonable but have you ever fought with a pregnant woman when she’s made her mind up about something? I don’t suggest it.

Stress 2: Once the junk goes, I’ll feel better about getting ready to bring another human into this world and maybe even start her nursery. Again, I know she won’t live in there for at least 3 months after she’s here because of the stairs we have in our house but argue with a pregnant woman? I think not.

Stress 3: I feel like I don’t have enough time with my boys. They are so fun and so exhausting but I just can’t help but be sad that my first-born children will not be JUST THEM anymore. I’m not worried about loving this girl or having enough room in my heart – I know she belongs there. My heart isn’t complete without her and the future siblings here (2 more to go!). However, it’s sort of funny because I’ve had 2 at one time so you would think adding 1 more isn’t a big deal but it’s HUGE for me. I don’t want this part to end and frankly gets me teary eyed thinking about it. We’ve been through so much together starting from before they were born so it’s a bittersweet change to our story.

Stress 4: The pregnancy itself is a stress. Again, I won’t go into it because I pretty much unloaded last week. And frankly, I’m too tired to unearth those emotions again.

So these are the 4 main stresses I have and then I started reading this book. I haven’t read a ton of it yet but something struck me last night. Spiritual motherhood is something that we, women, are all called to be.

“In makes sense…that while some women are called to biological mothers, every woman is called to spiritual motherhood because motherhood is knit into the very structure of a woman’s being. Women are created with the gift of interior readiness to receive others into their lives, and in doing so, to nurture their emotional, moral, cultural and spiritual well-being. This is an exciting and creative challenge because women can be spiritual mothers anywhere: in the office, at home, with their grandchildren, in the neighborhood, even sick in bed” (Katrina J. Zeno, Discovering the Feminine Genius: Every Women’s Journey, 41).

I found great comfort in this quote last night. I’m not sure why I did but I did.

Maybe it’s because I struggled with infertility so I recognize the want for a biological child.

Maybe it’s because I know people who have adopted or in the process of adopting a child.

Maybe it’s because I have spiritual mothers in my life that have no biological lines to me but have impacted me so much.

Maybe it’s because, as a teacher, I feel like I have been a spiritual mother to some of my students I have watched grow into amazing young men and women.

Maybe it’s because I have seen spiritual motherhood IN ACTION from a multitude of women my entire life – some with children and some without.

Spiritual motherhood. I think I found comfort in it because it’s bigger than me and what I am feeling. This whole earthly motherhood gig is T-O-U-G-H! But somehow, to know that I have something inside of me, that we all do, that feeds our children and the people we connect with around us, that’s bigger and stronger than how I feel right now covers me in comfort and the grace I desperately seek.

Honestly, right now I just feel like I am barely surviving. You know just doggie paddling in the waters of life. My kids probably watch too much TV, get away with too many things, and eat way too many chicken nuggets. I mean, they don’t mind but the inadequacy of how I feel in raising them is suffocating. But right there, in the middle of me suffocating, the Lord says “It’s okay.” The Lord has blessed me, and all women, with this spiritual motherhood because even know I’m totally judging myself (and openly sharing that judgement on my post right now), it doesn’t matter. As long as I am here, present with my boys, they get SOMETHING from me that I didn’t know really existed until last night. I don’t even know if I quite understand what I give to them. But I have been blessed with “an exciting and creative challenge” that I wouldn’t change for the world (Katrina J. Zeno, Discovering the Feminine Genius: Every Women’s Journey, 41).

Here’s to spiritual motherhood,

 

Rachel

Are you a super mom?

Mom memes and more

So, it’s been another busy week…. does it ever slow down? I’m thinking not especially when you are actively adding humans to the human race. 🙂 Anyway, I was fixin’ to sit at my computer in desperate need to blog today and I thought SUPER MOMS. What are super moms anyway? Does it mean we get everything done on our to-do list? Dinner is ready? Home cooked? Everyone showered? And have a smile on our face? Is it all of the above? Is it some but not all? Seems like so much pressure. Haha. I mean I’m sure there are tons of different types of super moms but society has their own way to dictate what a super mom is so let’s explore that.

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I love this meme. The reason I love it is because I’m not sure any one of these pictures is really realistic, yet there are many moms who can see themselves in one of these 6 images. If you take out the caption, it is actually a great representation of the many looks of motherhood. It doesn’t encompass everything but it’s a good start. However, my look of motherhood, tends to stay in the bottom right corner image. CRAP everywhere! 

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And in the midst of writing this blog – this is my view. Yep. Real life people. No, I don’t clean up after my kids until the END OF THE DAY. WHY WASTE YOUR TIME PEOPLE? It’s going to get messed up after the nap so as long as I have a walkway, I’m good! (And yes, I’m catching up on Pretty Little Liars) Ha! Plus I am way too busy to pick up toys all the time. But more power to you if you like to do that.

Anyway back to the meme, well, I don’t really know what my friends think I do. But life at home, now running two direct sales businesses, being pregnant with the BEST PREGNANCY EVER (sense the sarcasm), and whatever else is going on isn’t easy. I have to fit as many things in ONE nap session and I usually don’t know how long it will last. #momlife But then, I think about my working mom friends – WHOA! I do NOT know how they do that! I tried for a short second working part time out of the house and immediately hated it. It’s just not for me and we are blessed by being able to make some ends meet while I’m home. Either choice isn’t easy. Either choice comes with sacrifices and I honestly believe comparing these choices isn’t healthy and it’s downright petty. It doesn’t matter in the real scheme of things. #momsunite

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But regardless, I think MOST of us moms definitely have starts and finishes to these days described above pretty regularly – as long as we didn’t have a bad night, that is. HA! I can’t help but laugh because my days DEFINITELY look like this. I think many of us start off as super moms but end like Cruella! LOL! If you don’t have a Cruella day, well, more power to you and I probably won’t believe you, especially if you have any age kids in the house.

I feel like I’m more like this mom meme coming up next.

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This one literally had me laughing out loud. I mean I have some friends that don’t censor their language around their kids. I don’t know how I really feel about it BUT their philosophy is that they are teaching their kids what are adult words and what words are kid words. And I have never heard a bad word come out of their mouth, ever. Honestly, can you blame the kid if he or she used it in the right context!?! I certainly wouldn’t. Haha!

Anyway, let’s talk about pregnant super moms…..

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Now I would love to say that I feel like this super mom….. ummmm I don’t. Not even close. Yes, growing a human is something I’m eternally grateful for but it doesn’t make it any less easy. I’m just not blessed to have easy pregnancies. I’m starting to accept that but you wouldn’t see me wearing anything close to this outside of my house. LOL!

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I pretty much feel like this! Seriously. I’m short and well nothing fits well – not even maternity clothes sometimes. #preggoproblems I would love to be able to take some maternity photos but the idea that I would look like this, I think not. Anyone else feel like this when they are pregnant?

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Then there are the whole pregnancy lies people share – you know the ones that we are share with each other to comfort one another. THIS ONE – I’m still waiting on the energy boost. I don’t know if it’s the whole pregnancy thing or the whole twin mom thing but TIRED is an understatement.

Regardless of the type of super mom you are or even if you don’t feel like a super mom, YOU ARE! If you manage to keep everyone, including yourself, happy, healthy and fed – I think you are doing a great job!

Now get those kids to bed, pour yourself a glass of wine (or two) and get ready for another day….

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Here’s to all the super moms,

Rachel