The sacrifices we make

and sometimes it really sucks…

Well this week was my BIG check up. So many questions…. Did the hematoma start dissolving? How’s my placenta? Is the baby growing okay? Can I go on my trip to Usborne’s convention? Can I go to Gulf Shores for a week with my family? To be honest, I wasn’t completely convinced I would even get a small bit of good news. I know, I know. So pessimistic. But seriously, my last two appointments haven’t been so great.

image

Here’s us leaving that regular urine sample and about to start my gestational diabetes test. Goodness I am nervous about the results! So stay tuned for that.

So let’s get to it….

The hematoma: still there. What does that mean? I’m still at risk for bleeding. So continued restrictions. Strike one.

The cord issue: well it’s permanent but the baby is growing fantastic! So currently the cord isn’t causing any issues. Ball one.

The placenta: IT MOVED! So it’s no longer considered an issue. Whoop! Ball two.

Can I travel to convention for Usborne Books & More June 7th-11th? Hesitation. Strike two.

Can I travel to Gulf Shores with my family June 17-24th? Hesitation. Strike three.

I’m out.

Although I couldn’t be happier for a healthy baby at this point, I’m pretty sad, disappointed, angry and frustrated. Let me explain why the hesitation.

I’m high risk. Well, that alone pretty much seals the deal. Once you’re labeled high risk, it’s pretty much over. Because ANYTHING can happen at ANY time. I was labeled high risk with the twins but it was ONLY because I was carrying twins. I, thankfully, didn’t have any complications with them and never carried them long enough to experience them. Can I go back in time and tell my former self to enjoy my previous pregnancy more? **regrets**

I’ve continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions. I’ve had contractions since about 16 weeks. Some stronger and longer than others. Some have put me out all day. The stress of traveling can prompt them along with dehydration. So my continued contractions could serve as an irritant to the hematoma and resume bleeding. Bleeding on a plane or somewhere not near my hospital is something that can potentially be problematic. Something that worries me.

I’m swelling. I started swelling with the twins pretty much around the same time. Seems like this time it’s a bit accelerated. Funny how the body remembers. 😫 When I was pregnant with the twins, I flew to Ohio (no hesitation from the doctor then) at 25 weeks. On the plane ride back, the pressure of being on the plane literally made my legs feel like they were going to explode. IT WAS AWFUL! Like so bad, we went from the plane to the hospital. So the doctor is worried a plane ride would enhance my issues.

Okay so drive, right? Wrong. When you are pregnant you are more at risk for clotting by sitting down for too long. So driving to Tulsa or to Gulf Shores would require a stop every 1-2 hours for bathroom and walking. In my case, I HAVE to drink a significant amount of water to keep the contractions at bay. If I don’t, I’m destined to have them. And my bladder is a trampoline to the little lady so forget holding anything. Did you know holding your urine too long while your pregnant can cause contractions? Yes and I’ve definitely found this true.

So what’s my point besides a large bitch session here on my blog? Well, I’ll be the first to admit I have control issues. Overtime I’ve learned, especially with the twins, to let things go. But I felt so out of control when I was pregnant with the twins. From being pregnant for the first time to personal issues making it challenging, I felt absolutely 100% out of control of pretty much anything. So, with this one, I thought, just maybe I would have some control. Or at least be too busy to really wallow in not having any.

I sincerely thank the Lord for being so busy with the twins but this is my time to wallow. To be sad. To be angry. Why? Well, that trip to convention was FOR ME. It’s something I have been planning on for a YEAR. It’s something I know I needed for myself and my business. It completely and utterly sucks I can’t go. I’ve spent money on travel, accommodations and registration. 😭 And that trip with the family, well, who wouldn’t want to spend a week in Gulf Shores? Maybe I would look like a beached whale but the memories I wanted to make with my kids there is something I won’t get, not right now anyway. Sucks!

I know and realize when you are pregnant you become an incubator and subject to the wants and needs to this tiny human you’re making. I get it. I don’t like it but I get it. And I’m mad.

I am mad for feeling like this again, for being terrible at giving life to another human being, for being, yet again, not blessed to be a woman who can do all things during pregnancy like workout, eat clean, play all day with their kids, etc. 

I literally give up everything I wanted this summer for you little girl. I know you will be worth it in the end. I know it’s not just a cliché but it sucks so bad right now. I’m sad right now. I’m wishing things were different right now. I wish pregnancy for me didn’t require giving up EVERYTHING to keep you safe. But it’s what I have to do.  It’s not what I want to do and quite frankly I haven’t stopped crying about it today.

But it’s the sacrifices we make as mothers even before you enter this world that help us become better mothers.image

Precious one, I don’t know who you will turn out to be but I know I’ll be better for this moment. It’s these moments God changes us for His will. I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad going through it.

 

Here’s to the sacrifices we make,

Rachel

Juggling

Being ENOUGH is a four letter word….

Do you ever feel like you are juggling a million things at once? This was definitely my life last week. Sometimes I feel like pregnancy alone is enough to juggle but then add in the twins, the dog, my husband and anything else I happen to be doing and life can quickly seem out of control. Life can be overwhelming and instead of enjoying life we are trying to survive life. Then everything you usually do with ease and grace now seems like it’s mediocre. I feel like between everything I had going last week I barely saw the kids. I mean they were there – but SEEING them is a whole different thing. Insert mommy guilt. 

But thank goodness for Mondays! A brand new start to the week. A brand new week to make better than the last. But I’m still juggling. Aren’t we all? I’ve already started the day off getting the kids up and ready for school, visited a friend who just had a baby, popped in a frozen pizza, checked in on my book lady business, did some book lady leader duties, talked a little skin care with my mom, sister and sponsor, had a couple of phone calls and now sitting to write the blog post. Is the pizza ready yet? See all that juggling! It’s really incredible when I write it out all on the screen. Yet, somehow we, moms and caregivers of anyone, tend to not give ourselves enough credit for what we do on a daily basis. In fact, we largely feel like we didn’t do enough or worse, that we aren’t enough. 

That reminds me of this video I saw on Facebook this weekend about how we, moms, don’t feel like we are enough. I wish I had saved it to post in here. The video was moving for me because lately that’s how I have been feeling. Not enough. Are you feeling this way? That’s the Devil y’all. Telling us we can’t do something. Or we shouldn’t do something for ourselves.

I would take a guess that this is a DAILY struggle for many people – not just moms. But how debilitating. That thought of not being enough can literally freeze you in time. Isn’t that what the Devil wants from us? Not to be everything that God intended for us to be. Not reaching our full potential. Even when we are reaching our potential, sometimes we have guilt for even doing that! It’s a vicious web we weave ourselves in! 

Well, I’m here to say YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you feed the kids chicken nuggets for the 3rd time this week instead of a home cooked meal – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you haven’t taken a shower in 2 days and the house is a mess – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you pour that glass of wine just a tad before 5pm because it’s just been one of those days – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When all you want to do is go to a hotel to sleep because you’re one more fight between your kids away from a mental breakdown – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you have one of the best days with the kids and get everything on your to-do list done – YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

When you spend way too much money on something that makes you incredibly happy – YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

When you stay up late watching movies with your husband and know you’ll pay for it the next day – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

When you spend anytime making sure YOU are taken care of – YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

 

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. 

 

Here’s to being enough today and every day,

Rachel

New Online Adventures

What’s being going on in our house lately….

So, I like to keep life interesting. It may not be super interesting comparing it to others but interesting to me, nonetheless. Lately, with all the laying around I’ve had to do and dealing with Little Miss’s misbehavior, I’ve had a lot of downtime to think.

Well one thing that I want to do is DE-CLUTTER. I realize this has NOTHING to do with online adventures but roll with me. I’m not sure I’m in the super nesting mode, yet, but I have this sense of urgency to get this house organized. I mean, we are about to bring another human being in this house. Getting rid of the junk seems more than necessary! In fact, even though she will be little, babies have SO MUCH STUFF! Thank goodness it’s not as much as the twins! At least that is what I am hoping for!

De-cluttering is underway in this house – slowly! Have kids? What organizational tools have you come up with to help with the clutter? Please help this mama out! 

Meanwhile, I’ve been keeping active with my business with Usborne Books & More. I joined this company May 10th of last year and it’s been a great experience. Lots of ups and some downs but I have learned so much! I never thought I would sell anything and then these books just fell into my lap. It has truly been the perfect mix of my educational background and my love for books! It’s been truly a passion of mine this past year and I cannot believe I’ll be hitting my year anniversary next month! Incredible! If you haven’t heard of Usborne Books & More, you need to! Of course, I’d be happy to talk with you about that! In the meantime, check out the website: https://g5484.myubam.com – we have amazing books from infant to pre-teen and I am currently reading one of our teen series, Conspiracy 365 and I LOVE IT! 

In conjunction with Usborne Books & More, I started this blog earlier this month! It’s been so fun and hopefully you all have been enjoying some of the writing. My husband thinks I’ll run out of things to say but I won’t, our life is too exciting for that! 😉 The blogging world is so different but I am loving having this virtual “journal” and being able to express myself confidently! Something I think all mamas need!

In addition to my online adventures, two nights ago I joined Rodan + Fields! Say what! I know. I know. I am either crazy or the smartest person on the planet. Haha! Maybe I’m a little of both! But that’s okay, it keeps life interesting. Now, first off, I never thought I would be apart of ANY direct selling company let alone TWO. However, these two companies are VERY different. Don’t worry, I’m not going to knock down your door with RF but I may politely ask if you want a FREE sample – you should say YES because it’s amazing! You will also get to watch the skin transformations like I did and become hooked! 🙂 I am pretty excited to get these products for the best deal possible and be able to share my skin care story with everyone. Quite honestly, I have been on the hunt (for awhile) to find something that I really believe will work on my face. And the fact that I have watched a few people with varying skin tones and skin types literally roll back time and look incredible, I want in! Who wouldn’t!?! 🙂

Truly, I have been watching RF consultants and friends since last summer make monumental strides to amazing faces. Now, I am FB friends with many people in many direct selling companies and I have seen a lot. There are many wonderful companies out there! But something makes sense with Rodan + Fields. Don’t worry, one day I’ll be able to articulate it! I’ve seen many transformations and I want that too. After fertility treatments, twins and now another rough pregnancy, my face is lookin’ OLD. Plus, just kids! Am I right!? And best of all, I can do this along side my first love, Usborne Books & More. So like my twins, they have to share time but that’s okay, it’s totally going to be worth it! 

Now, some of you may have just laughed as I am not yet 30 years old but it is what it is. It’s how I feel about my face. Just 5 years ago I could walk around with no makeup pretty confidently and now, I’m constantly putting make up on my face to go outside where there are other people around. Ain’t nobody needs to be frightened like that! Ha! I hate wearing makeup – truly. Maybe it’s the sports or the constant training for sports but I’ve just never really liked wearing a ton of makeup! I’ve seen some pretty amazing makeup from other companies and if you are looking for some amazing makeup, I can definitely recommend some. And honestly, I was soooo tempted to buy them but to me, it makes more sense to work on my actual skin, my canvas, if you will, in order for my makeup to do it’s job. Or, better yet, I won’t have to wear as much or none at all! Whoop!

I am so lucky that I have such a supportive husband that has cheered me on the last year with Usborne Books & More and now will cheer me on through Rodan + Fields! Don’t worry, this book lady isn’t going anywhere! 🙂 I’m just going to look WAYYYY better doing it! 🙂 Want to check out all the hype of Rodan + Fields? Check out the website here: https://www.rodanandfields.com/US/pws/rachelwebking

The fact of the matter is that our method of buying products is truly changing to buying from direct sellers and largely online. Come on, you know you shop on Amazon! Some of you may resist and that’s totally okay! However, there are so many AMAZING companies out there that you could be missing out on so it’s worth checking out!

What direct sales companies do you love? Why do you love them?

Here’s to new adventures online,

Rachel

The Journey Here

The blog.

The journey here hasn’t been an easy one and not one I could even possibly share in one blog post. But here I am. Blogging! Who knew? It’s been on my mind for a few months. You know when you are bugged over and over by a thought but you brush it off? Yep! That’s this blog. Then something amazing happened. I connected with an organization called Caiden’s Hope (we will definitely be talking more about them throughout this blogging journey). Using my side biz with Usborne Books & More, we partnered together to raise funds for their organization (more to come later, promise!). One thing led to another and by the power of the Holy Spirit, the founder of the charity asked me to start this blog. BAM! The little thought was no longer brushed off and now 1 month later, we are here! This blog is intended to relate to a number of different journeys we are all on – marriage, kids and everything in between! It’s everything in between that life happens, am I right? So, take this journey of life with me…. I promise it’s an exciting one!

 

Until next time,

Rachel